”An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly” Unknown
It’s not often we find ourselves thinking the world could be a better place if only people put themselves first more. In fact, typically we lean the other way and think that people are generally more self-involved and selfish than they should be. Just take a look at any main road on a morning commute and you’ll see what we mean.
The premise of this post however is that there are occasions where it might be better or in fact necessary to put yourself first.
To be clear we’re big fans of being considerate, thoughtful and generous to others by default. We strongly believe that you get back what you put into this world and by taking this approach, you’ll not only be a positive part of other people’s lives but you’re likely to better off in the long run too. We don’t subscribe to the zero sum game theory and think in almost any situation an outcome can be found where everyone gains and is better off.
There are some however who disagree and think that they can only gain as a result of a loss by someone else. These people are typically all-consuming and take from you whatever they can; time, resources, energy and eventually your own well-being. You’ll know the type of people we’re talking about as they’re not too much fun to be around and you’ll typically try and avoid them at all costs.
We’re not suggesting anyone turns into a self-centred, selfish so and so who sucks the life out of everyone around you. What we are suggesting is that there are occasions where this can be exactly what’s needed and that it’s really hard to know when you should and shouldn’t put yourself above all others. It might seem counter-intuitive at first but getting this right isn’t only critical for your own well-being but can be hugely beneficial to those you care about too.
So when can you give yourself permission to put yourself first?
Periods of change and high stress
This example covers a broad range of scenarios and is likely to resonate with you the most. The fact is that the way we live our lives these days promotes an environment of change and increased stress and this is typically compounded by our experience at work also. If you’re in this situation, you’ll feel like you’re never doing enough, that you’re letting someone or yourself down, that you never have enough time, that you’re stretched too thin, that you need to be in multiple places at once or a combination of these. This is precisely the time that you need to take a step back and think about your well-being for a moment.
Think of this as the “oxygen mask on the plane” reason. Anyone who’s ever flown will have been instructed that in the case of an emergency, you should always fit your own oxygen mask before seeking to help others. The reason for this is that whilst it’s natural to think about helping others, you’re not going to get very far if you can’t actually breathe yourself.
The same applies for periods of change and high stress. Whilst your natural reaction might be to automatically look to support and care for others, it’s important that you’re putting your own “oxygen mask” on first.
Prevention is the best cure
You may have heard the analogy that your mind is like a bucket of water and there’s only so many times you can scoop water from the bucket before it runs dry. We think this is bang on and perfectly reflects the relationship between your mind and pressure, stress or other demands routinely asked of you. Like the full bucket, we’ve all got a bit of room to manage and cope with these demands however over time, the water becomes shallower. With enough volume and intensity, the bucket can run dry as well. It’s normally at this point where you’ll feel the slightest demand or disruption is bigger than Mt Everest and you’re at severe risk of burnout.
It’s not all doom and gloom though as if water can be taken from the bucket, it certainly can be refilled too. Putting yourself first and taking time out regularly – even if it’s only a few minutes every day – is a small way to keep refilling your bucket for the unavoidable scoops that will come your way. As they say prevention is the best cure and this is absolutely true when it comes to your well-being.
Finding meaning in your life
No matter who you are, you don’t get guarantee how long you spend living your life. For that reason, you should probably spend some of it finding out what is most important to you, and trying to do that as much as you can. Whilst we all have responsibilities that need to be taken care of, we think it’s ok to be a little selfish when it comes to finding meaning within your life and trying to spend your time doing it.
A small caveat on this one though.
If the meaning in your life is destructive to those around you or the broader community – say for example hacking into computer systems – you should try and find a way to do it in a non-destructive way or do less of it. If the meaning in your life is beneficial to those around you or the broader community, then we’d encourage you to spend us much time as you can do it. If you can find a way to make money from it whilst you’re going and still benefit other people, then you’re on to an absolute winner.
The actual process of putting yourself first looks very different for different people. For us this is a combination of physical activity, listening to music, meditating and socialising with family and friends. Whilst these things work well for us and we’ve got some ideas which we’ll share more on later, as long as the activity allows you to take a breath, relax and focus on something positive and constructive without being detrimental to people around you, then it’s a good place to start.
Action for the week:
- Think about the periods of high stress and change you’ve had or may be in right now. How are you ensuring you’re fitting your oxygen mask first?
- Think about how you find time to fill your bucket every day. If this isn’t happening, find a way to have time – even if it’s just a few minutes – alone with nothing in front of you demanding your attention.
- Spend more time doing the things that add meaning to your life. If you don’t know what this is yet, a good place to start is to spend more time doing things you enjoy.
Whilst these actions are more about a mindset then specific activities, we’ll look to cover some of the most common and effective self-care techniques in future posts. In the meantime, changes as simple and small as spending 5 minutes a day by yourself – sitting on a deck, drinking a cup of tea, writing a list of things you’re grateful for, listening to music etc – can make giant steps towards leading a life of self-care and well-being.
In our next post we’re going to talk about another component that supports self-care and well-being and is the complete opposite of taking time out just for you. Check out the post before immediately thinking we’re hypocritical idiots. We’ll explain more very soon.
We’d love to hear how you’ve gone with introducing self-care into your life, any tips you have from things you already do, and any other comments or questions you have. Please reach out to us at any of our social media channels.